That Hard Conversation

I once worked in a company where a sales director was … well, let’s just say … not awfully good.

It was plain for all to see; to the staff reporting to him, to his peers at board level, his customers. Even the Managing Director had noticed.

Q1 figures were down by £75K … Q2 by £200K … Q3 by £350K. Everyone watched on aghast. Nobody said anything. Everyone knew it couldn’t go on, but it did. It went on until the Big Man had no choice but to actually … well … the thing is … maybe we should have a chat about your …er … performance, maybe?

Eventually the conversation was had, new horizons were sought (we wish him well … yada yada…) and everybody breathed a sigh of relief.

I don’t know what it is about us Brits but we’re really not that good at having ‘that frank conversation’.

So uncomfortable are we that often, by the time we finally pluck up the kahunas to say something, things are usually irredeemable and it’s too late.

There are some serious costs to this lack of backbone:

1. Lost performance: someone failing to do their job properly has to have an impact on the performance of the whole organisation. (If it doesn’t then you’ve got to ask why does the position exist?)
2. If you’re the manager/supervisor who’s been putting off that conversation … doubtless, you’ll have had sleepless nights and born the heat of the failing performance as your credibility withers the longer you dither.
3. And don’t underestimate the demotivating effect it has on your good performing staff as they watch poor performance go unchallenged.

I have the odd imperfection (ask my wife, she has a list), however, I learnt early on in my career that you should deal with performance issues early.

So, here are some tips.

Very often, by the time a manager is compelled to have that conversation, he/she will have lost sleep, the relationship between manager and reportee may have become irredeemable, the conversation will already have been primed to become emotional and the outcome unhappy.

So, get in early!

In this way you can discuss reasons for poor performance with gentleness and respect, and turn things around before it becomes a much bigger deal. Don’t let the issue drag on, hoping that things will improve.

… before those around them have to start picking up the slack and feeling resentful.

… before their poor performance becomes your poor performance.

Why do we find it so hard to have that conversation. Dunno … I’m not a psychologist. (That’s a bigger conversation.)

More importantly, though, HOW do we have that conversation?

Preparation

It may feel like you’re going into a room to diffuse an unexploded bomb. Well, in truth, that’s what you might be doing. Looked at like that, a bit of preparation makes the difference between making things much worse and making things much better.

Before

1. Develop the habit of having casual one-to-ones with your reportees so that any conversation you may need to have is not immediately tense or confrontational. We’re all different; some of us like to foster close relationships with our staff, some of us prefer to keep things more transactional. Either way, developing a degree of comfortable familiarity makes all transactions easier, especially if you’ve previously gone out of your way to say positive stuff when it’s merited.
2. Before arranging to see the staff member notify your manager and/or HR that you’re about to have the conversation and why. It’s always reassuring to know they’ll support you if things kick off. If they won’t … get another job. 
3. Do your homework so that you have examples and incidents (there’s a skill to doing this when other people have brought instances to your attention). Don’t make this an ‘I’ve heard … ’ kind of conversation. Own the issue yourself.

During

1. Don’t launch in with ‘evidence’ but ask them about how stuff is going – if there are extenuating circumstances, it’s best to find that out before you raise any issues. Make sure it’s not a training issue or the result of poor communication on your part. And, if it turns out that that’s really the case … consider it carefully and have the humility to own it … but don’t fall for the counter-blame.
2. Gently, respectfully raise the issue that needs discussing. Don’t be tempted to start with ‘someone else has said …’  as if you don’t see the problem and you’d never be so horrid as to suggest that there’s a problem; this is your problem and your conversation.
3. If they go off on one … stay calm. Don’t go off on one as well. If you do, then it’s difficult to come back from there. If they storm out (it happens) give it a while, maybe overnight (but no longer) … then try again.
4. Have the humility to talk about instances where you’ve had to be challenged … this might sound difficult or humiliating, but it really does serve to diffuse tension so that, figuratively speaking, you’re sitting on the same side of the table, rather than opposite them.
5. In a non-confrontational way … identify some root causes and improvement objectives and fix a date to follow things up.

After

• Afterwards document the conversation. Not an HR worded document (but definitely get a copy into their files) but rather ‘Dear Bob, thanks for your time this afternoon when we discussed … Here are the things we identified that you can do … I’ll put a note in my diary to meet with you again next week.’  Occasionally things don’t work out and you end up having to start ‘the process’. The process is always longer and more drawn-out than you want … so start documenting early.
• Stick a reminder/invite in your diary to follow up.
• Follow up … or you’ll end up looking silly.

Outcomes:

1. Done right you can turn people round and even deepen trust and respect. The earlier you address the issue the easier it’ll be.
2. You’ll have got a worrying matter off your desk.
3. You’ll develop a skill which makes it easier to handle next time.
4. You build credibility with your team and your management.  

Closing thought … All of this is so much easier if you’re in the habit of speaking with your staff on a regular basis and have already built up a rapport with them. In fact, if you’re in the habit of holding regular reviews with your key staff, then the conversation can occur quite naturally without it ‘being a big deal’.